Smiling

A friend asked how I was doing and told me to smile, even if things were shit, fake smile. For reals. I couldn't get it out of my head. It was stuck in there all day today so I smiled. All day. For no reason at all. I was at work filing and smiled. I was at home cleaning and smiled. I was at a baseball game and smiled. I actually think it worked. I felt good all day. Amazing! Here are a few facts I found online.

Smiling releases endorphins and makes us feel better

Even ‘faking’ a smile can lead to feeling happier

Even if you don't feel like it. Studies have shown that smiling releases endorphins even in sad people. The trick? It is the initial act of smiling that causes the release.

Crazy Spring

My Thursdays are really my Fridays since Friday is a short day at the office. There is a laid back'ness to my Thursdays. :::knocking on wood::: I need more laid back in my life. This week and next week are pure crazy making. We are run run running every day. I think I sat down for an hour or two yesterday. Not sure though. Oh yes I did, if you count the two plus hours at the baseball games, but even then I was walking back and forth between two games. Both kids were playing at the same time. Now most of the crazy is good stuff. Baseball games, friends coming to visit, tattoos, bachelorette parties. It's good stuff. I just have to remember to SLOW DOWN, SMILE, AND BREATHE.

I have been developing my home yoga practice over the last couple months. Really listening to my body and letting it do what it needs during yoga. For instance, today woke up a little sluggish and need to get energized. I needed to move. I went through my sun salutation quickly doing standing poses when I got to the lunge. I was breathing hard in the middle of the sequence. It felt great. I slowed it down and moved into some backbends. During Savasana I meditated on breathing in the good stuff and breathing out the bad stuff I seem to be holding on to. It's all about letting go of that bad stuff. Finding out what is good and positive in your life and holding on to it. Sometimes we hold on to the negative without even realizing it. Thinking it's good when really it is not. Our bodies know what we need if we listen to it our minds will follow and figure it out as well. Now our hearts? That's a different story. I haven't figured out how to control my heart yet.

Avoiding Men, It's for their own good.

This isn't meant to be a divorce blog. I have no idea what it was meant to be, but I certainly had no intention of talking about what life is like being single again after 12 years of marriage. Hopefully things will level out soon and I will have more interesting things to talk about, like food!

Let me make this clear, I am NOT interested in dating right now. There have just been a couple things come up in the last few months, and I handled them all poorly due to my social stupidity. There is so much to learn. It's been 2 months since we separated. I am realizing that I have no idea how to interact with men, how to date, how to break up, how to tell when someone is trying to break up, I can't even tell when someone is hitting on me. I am so socially awkward it's not even funny.

Heh, my plan is to not date for a year. Maybe that will give me some time to brush up on those skills. I am sure there is a dating for dummies book out there somewhere. So we will come back to this topic in a year...

Good Things

I have been struggling to find the good stuff lately, so it be list time.

• My kids helping out around the house when I ask
  
• My neighbors offering to help haul shit out of my back yard
• Having a job
• Getting paid to take pictures
• Time to myself
• A good book on a rainy day
• A nice fire outside on a chilly night
• Cold beer or Margarita (depending on my mood)
• Unexpected phone calls and texts from friends checking in to see how I'm doing
• Coffee
• Hot baths
• Long uninterrupted yoga sessions
• Grilling season
• Spring finally arriving and hopefully staying
• Unplanned road trips
• A clean house
• Upcoming visits from friends
• Upcoming trips to Lawrence or Omaha or anywhere!

P.S. If you are liking these Argus 40 prints, let me know. I will be listing them on my etsy store soon. I also have a show planned at Uncle Nancy's in Newton, Iowa in August.

Back to Food

I don't know why I am pretending this isn't a food blog when most of what I talk about is food. To be honest, I don't really like food blogs. I don't care to read 5 paragraphs of why something tastes good. It's either good or isn't. Give me the recipe and let me find out for myself. So moving on....this isn't a recipe but an order to get out and GRILL! Some friends made these peppers for us a couple years ago. Every time I turn on the grill I want them. It doesn't really matter what I'm having I NEED these peppers too. It is super simple and super delicious.

• cut your peppers into boats.
• fill with feta. I like the herb feta stuff but didn't have any for the picture.
• drizzle with olive oil.
• grill until the peppers are slightly soft. I like my peppers to still have a little crunch.
  

Enjoy!

Ahhhh, the internets

I found an event in Des Moines I am interested in attending next month.
"IN THE MIRROR OF MAYA DEREN" will be shown at 7 p.m. May 1 and 2 p.m. May 3. Admission $5 at the State Historical Museum.
Which lead me to look up Maya Deren on Wikipedia. Where I found Mila Jojovich did a video in 1994 for her song Gentleman Who Fell (shown above) inspired by Maya Deren. Mila's album The Divine Comedy was one of my favorites in 1994 (I was working at a music store in the mall at the time) and still is a favorite. I am going to go dig that one out right now.

Ups and Downs

This was the first long weekend the boys had with their Dad. I was fine Saturday. It was all good, then Sunday hit. I had a rough afternoon, evening, and morning today. I felt like I had an emotional hangover today. I had a great day alone, but there was kind of this sadness about the day. I did an hour of yoga, hot long bath, cleaned, went to the lake and took pictures, got ice cream from Dari Barn, came home and worked on pictures, made sweet potato and black bean burritos while talking to friends on the phone, then watched a movie. Should have been perfect! We even had a little thunderstorm (which freaked the dogs out). I enjoyed falling back to sleep to the sound of rain, but it was still hard. I know it will get easier. I didn't text or call the boys as much. E told me it was annoying last time. Well, tonight he said he worried that I was hurt because I didn't call. 11 year olds! I don't know if he wants his space or what. Hell, I don't know if I want MY own space or not!